comparing india

was staying in germany for quite some time..
got a chance to actually compare the fabric of india with those of a different mindset.
having germans as close relatives all my life helped soften the blow with respect to the vast difference of thinking, of expectations, of ideas.
ideas so alien to me, that i had taken for granted but were tested against the logic of an outsider..
like having an arranged marriage..
someone just compared the experience to being worse than a prostitute..
at least the prostitute reserves the right to refuse a client if she gets the wrong vibes..
and me was thinking how true....!!!!!!!!
let me explain..
if for instance, i see a guy in an arranged marriage set up and apparantly everything works out for him and for my family and he says yes...
but if i have an uncomfortable feeling about the guy and cant see him in the picture of my husband at all ( adding to the fact that you very rarely get to chat alone with the guy or to see him in his natural settings or environment) what reason for my refusal will be accepted?
that i generally have a feeling that he is not right for me?
10 to 1 there will be people ready to pounce on me to convince me that my decision is wrong and that i should give the relationship more time to grow.
so, my question is ... how much is my saying a "no" in this context valid ?
when will my " no" be respected and taken into account?
also, what if i discover after some time in the marriage that my thinking was actually substantiated by his behaviour after all .. what recourse do i have then? divorce?
an even greater taboo in the indian context...

surviving india

india is so full of contradictions...
it sometimes so exhausting just surviving in the set up.
u have to fight constantly for very basic rights that are usually taken for granted.. something as basic as dignity, respect, space, difference of opinions.
it is so claustrophobic..
even as a female living in the most progressive cities in india,mumbai ,there is so much of a gap that i face between my ideals and the ground realities.
the fact that no one is even open for a discussion is all the more frustrating.. apparantly it is disrespect to question the logic, the motives behind any decision made with regards to your own fucking life.
when ,i, hardly know my preferances, how is it that people double my age , who are hardly aware of what goes on in my life, get to decide the course of my life ? and i am expected to abide by their decisions without a murmur ?
then there is always the culture card that can be played anywhere and everywhere as the last say in any discussion.
but hardly any of them actually know any reasons as to why they perform half the rituals or practices..
its like some mass herd mentality which follow each other , without any of them knowing where or who is leading them..
a guy will want to fuck around with his girlfriend every night, every other day... but for marriage will go for a proclaimed virgin..a glorified maid..
he will conveniently forget his culture , his parents ,while fooling around, but will remember them in time for his marriage as an excuse to have the best of both worlds.
after marriage,the wife is supposed to manage and remain in the house, whereas , yours truly saunters all over the town , satisfying his urges.
if the wife is "allowed" to work, she has to manage in such a way so that her duties of the house do not get interrupted.. i.e. even if she is back from a really hard day at office, she has to start all over at home, with no help whatsoever from her husband.
and the double standards. the hipocracy permeates in everything..
to want the best of both, the western world in terms of materialistic satisfaction and permission to do forbidden but guilty pleasure trips, and to want india for all the comfort that it offers in terms of protection under the guise of religion, caste , gender unequality.. its the norm here.
why cant things be observed the way they actually are?
why cant voices be raised for things that really matter?
and when will india truly progress from using education to be a source of livelihood to education as a way of life?